Full Toss

With South Africa beaten, Moeen Ali was delighted his form came back after it's disappearance against Pakistan. "A big thank you goes to my brother Hashim Amla who helped me keep my place and praise Allah for making me England's new face".

Winning Team

Norwich City appointed Ed Balls as their new Chairman amid accusations Delia Smith has gone mad. "He's promised to find us a magic money tree in time for the transfer window in January".

Foul Play

Tyson Fury didn't win BBC Sports Personality of the year but Andy Murray did. "It came as a total surprise to me especially when Clare Balding kept telling me my new baby is bound to be some ugly ginger kid".

Christmas Poo

Liverpool fan Mo Ansar took to Twitter to complain about Katie Hopkins being allowed on TV. "I shall report her to the Police for refuting the benefits of Islam & Muslim male supremacy".

Game Over

The French Government urged everybody not to be scared and come to France for Euro 2016. "Nobody will get shot by an Islamist extreme, they won't hurt us we have loads of them in our team".