Full Toss

With South Africa beaten, Moeen Ali was delighted his form came back after it's disappearance against Pakistan. "A big thank you goes to my brother Hashim Amla who helped me keep my place and praise Allah for making me England's new face".

Winning Team

Norwich City appointed Ed Balls as their new Chairman amid accusations Delia Smith has gone mad. "He's promised to find us a magic money tree in time for the transfer window in January".

Foul Play

Tyson Fury didn't win BBC Sports Personality of the year but Andy Murray did. "It came as a total surprise to me especially when Clare Balding kept telling me my new baby is bound to be some ugly ginger kid".

Christmas Poo

Liverpool fan Mo Ansar took to Twitter to complain about Katie Hopkins being allowed on TV. "I shall report her to the Police for refuting the benefits of Islam & Muslim male supremacy".

Game Over

The French Government urged everybody not to be scared and come to France for Euro 2016. "Nobody will get shot by an Islamist extreme, they won't hurt us we have loads of them in our team".

Team GB

As Lord Coe's IAAF cleared Paula Radcliffe of doping she thanked those who supported her amid the 'marathons for money' and smears. "My excuses were plausible, I never won any medals unlike all the other athletes I've accused over the years".

This is Anfield

With Muslims blowing themselves up all over the place, Jeremy Corbyn decided we must die sometime soon. "I don't support self defence or shoot to kill for you, refugees are welcome and promise to have only 5 kids each like they do in Liverpool".

La Vie en rose

As England played France, David Cameron denied he hid behind Prince William to shield himself from a Muslim blast. "Tonight was all about singing the French National Anthem and not for talking out my arse".

Paris Match

As the French played Germany in the Stade De France, some 'Syrian refugees' exploded onto the scene. After the game the Germans announced they were too scared to come out so spent the night shitting themselves on the latrine".

Double Top

Phil Taylor came from behind to beat a 'right to buy' and flatly denied he was sporting bingo wings. "My arms are rock hard, like I told Police in 99' those women in the back of my van were just seeing things".